The Cocky French Cowboy

Every time I open the paper, there is another article about McEwen. Today there were no less than three.

The pressure being put on me by the Enquirer is enormous. Today they ran a story about how I had raised nearly half a million bucks in campaign contributions, nearly all of it from inside the Washington Beltway, while McEwen hasn't even raised half my total.

To make matters worse, his silly campaign manager West Farno is out there bragging, "We've got all the money we need."

Well, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

You don't have all the money you NEED, numbskull. You can always use more greenbacks, especially when you see the TV and radio onslaught coming at you this weekend, silly boy. And is that really your name? "West?" That's what the Enquirer said. Do you fancy yourself as some sort of "cowboy" gunslinger type? Do you wear cowboy boots around the campaign office, West? Well, do ya, punk?

OR is your name really Wes Farnot, the way the Whistleblower spelled it a while back? THAT name sounds sorta French-like. I'll bet that's it. You're probably some kinda "Frenchie."

If so, you'll have no trouble with this, Cowboy-Frenchie Farnot:

Oui, Oui, Monsieur McEwen!

Nous ne pas plus argent, Monsieur McEwen, mais Monsieur DeWine est si vicieux avec son souillé attaque publicité! Oui, monsieur!

The nerve of the McEwen camp to claim they don't need any more money makes me want to choke one of my interns. Everyone knows they are lying, but he's just acting cocky because he thinks he has a shot at winning this and he's trying to humiliate me.

Well, Monsieur Farnot, when this is all over, I will stand victorious with my foot on the chest of your candidate, laughing in the face of everyone who didn't think Father could pull it off.

I assure you, in addition to the multitude of people who actually will vote for me, I also have a plan for stuffing ballot boxes, making votes disappear, coopting the Enquirer endorsement, etc.

After all, didn't the Enquirer compare your candidate with Bill Clinton this morning? HAHAHAHAHA! I loved that one. The Enquirer is in my pocket, and there is nothing you can do about it, you little French Cowboy.